My Books: Print and eBooks

January 8, 2011

Print Books and eBooks by Doug Ross

1/7/20/11

Print Books (Amazon and My web sites)

eBooks on Kindle

eBooks on Smashwords

  • Be Who You Want To Be: Knowing Yourself
  • Beach Bocce Champion: Be A Winner
  • Baseball: Preparing Your Child To Play
  • A Person Does As A Person Thinks
  • Dr. Doug’s Diet Choices For You

Blog

http://makerelationshipslast.wordpress.com/wp-admin/users.php?page=grofiles-editor

eBooks in Progress for Kindle

  • Create You Own Successful Online Business
  • Do It Yourself Debt Management
  • The Hidden Truth
  • You Can Save Your Home From Foreclosure

FACE DATING REALITY

November 1, 2010
Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist

Dating and Relationship Tip of the Week: Face Reality

Do you pick up the phone to call or text when someone doesn’t call you as expected or show up on time? Do you try to stop yourself from feeling anxious when someone isn’t following through with what he said he would do? Do you try to intervene in order to prevent your own discomfort? Are you someone who doesn’t bring up certain subjects because you fear your loved one’s reactions? Do you keep your dissatisfactions to yourself rather than invoke anger from your mate? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you are likely trying to manipulate reality so you don’t have to face the truth of it. By attempting to prevent yourself from feeling bad now, you are destined to feel much worse later. No matter how much you try to avoid it, one day reality will hit home. It’s much preferable to face reality now than to harbor years of entrenched resentment that will inevitably surface.

Face reality now. Stop intervening. Give people a chance to show you who they really are and how they really behave. Learn to sit with the discomfort of a silent phone ring or the loneliness of an empty house. Dare to rock the boat when you are unhappy by taking a stand for what you want. Stop trying to manipulate people and circumstances so you don’t have to feel the letdown when things don’t go your way. Allow yourself to see whether you are with someone who is ultimately going to disappoint you or whether you are with someone who is going to come through for you. Only then will you be true to yourself and to your relationship.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone. Amy also facilitates relationship skills workshops.

 

Online Dating Mistakes

April 8, 2010

Many singles fear looking for a new relationship online because of the bad experiences of others, or possibly from past history themselves.  While it is true that online dating sites can be overwhelming, there are four major mistakes that singles make over and over. 

However, by simply being aware of these mistakes and avoiding them, online dating success for singles is not only possible, but extremely probable.

Signing Up For an Inappropriate Online Dating Site – With literally thousands of online dating sites for singles, it is especially important to find a site that is not only established, but fits well with your wants and needs in a relationship.  Many sites are now very specialized and may help your search for the perfect match.  It is also imperative to find a site that has legitimate profiles and does not exist solely to get you to sign up as a paying member.

Being Dishonest in Your Profile and Believing Everything you Read in a Profile – If you lie in your profile then you are setting yourself up to be lied to as well.  Knowing who you are and who and what you want in a relationship will increase your chances of finding just the right person.  Make sure you are asking the right questions of your prospects to help you weed out those who you are not comfortable with.  Be assertive about your desires and what your expectations are and it will not take long for a liar to be exposed letting you move on to a more appropriate prospect that shares your views.

Being Afraid of Meeting Your Match in a Safe Environment Quickly – After your initial screening, and making sure your emotions are level, it is important to meet the person that interests you quickly.  To have a valued relationship, it is better to have your face to face meeting to ensure yourself that the person in the profile is the same person that you meet in person.  Chatting, messaging, and emails are alright for a short time, however, you will better determine if the person is right for you when you meet.  Make sure you meet in a safe, public place free of distractions.

Leaving a Safe Environment With a Complete Stranger – If you have found a single that interests you and have decided to meet in person, make sure you get to know that person before allowing yourself to be put in a dangerous position.  It is always best to allow a small amount of time for the first meeting and sticking to it no matter how you feel while you are in their company.  Infatuation can lead your emotions to make mistakes, and there is no need for urgency.  True love and getting to know and trust your new partner will take time and effort.

Singles that make mistakes when dating online are usually unprepared and not in control of their situation.  By following the advice above, you should be able to quickly and effectively find a partner you can be comfortable with.  While it is difficult at times to be in control of your emotions, knowing the mistakes singles make and how to avoid them will help you find a valuable partner.

This was published in WRQ Woman’s Magazine in Sarasota, Florida by ” Kim”.  It seems on target for getting into a relationship using the internet.

Doug Ross

By the way a new Revised Edition of my book is now available on amazon.com.  The new title is Make Relationships Last: a Man’s View

From my friend, J Lenora Bressler

February 1, 2010

J Lenora is a friend and trainer in the Tampa/Orlando area in Florida.  This blog was published in WQ Magazine.

I am having the occasion to speak more and more about relationships and what is really important in them. My advice to anyone thinking about getting into a serious romantic relationship is that while opposites may attract, there are some opposites which will quickly degenerate into major problems. On a few certain issues, your approaches need to be, if not identical, at least compatible with your partner or you are setting both you and your significant other up for a never-ending series of frustrations, resentments, and potential arguments. Some may seem obvious; others more subtle, but all can create major rifts in a relationship.

(1) WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MONEY?

A lot is said about how money divides people and studies repeatedly indicate that money is the #1 reason couples fight. There is much that can be said but to me, this issue really boils down to one simple question: What do you think the purpose of money is? Everything about money, from your budgeting approach (or not) to your expenditures to your savings record flows from this question. There are four main answers:

(1) Money is primarily for immediate sustenance needs.
(2) Money is to provide present and future security.
(3) Money is to bring maximum (moral) good and pleasure to you, those you love, and to those God places in your path.
(4) Money is to be used primarily to assist good moral causes.

(2) HOW DO YOU VIEW EXERCISE? Is it a necessity or a luxury?

Some people view exercise as a needed component of their ability to function adequately and therefore have no problem leaving chores to go to the gym. Others feel that exercise is a luxury, almost “play time” to them so they feel that their “work,” whether that be professional or house work needs to be done before they feel free to go exercise. When you and your mate disagree on exercise, one will feel that you are too uptight and the other will feel abandoned and that the exercising-mate is irresponsible.

(3) HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG?

People who approach ethics from different starting points often find it very difficult not only to find a common conclusion but even understand what each other is saying. Their arguments seem irrelevant. For example, those who take a fundamentalist or absolutist approach and look to a source outside themselves may frustrate others with their apparent rigidness while relativists frustrate others by their seeming flexibility and ability to justify any action.

(4) HOW DO YOU PREFER YOUR FREE TIME: open and relaxed or planned activities?

We all reverence our non-working time, but if you are not spending that precious time in the way you prefer, it will be extremely disconcerting and even angering since you will feel “cheated” out of that reprieve. Some people adore restful, non-structured time off where it is a good thing to say at the end of the day, “I loafed around, didn’t do anything.” Others cannot stand that and feel refreshed and relaxed when every moment of their non-work time is filled with activities.

(5) DOES QUALITY TIME MEAN ONLY TWO PEOPLE?

We all understand the importance of “quality time” in which couples can connect on deep psychological and emotional levels, but some of us feel that can be done in a group of friends and others discount such group activities in favor of strictly one-on-one time. Couples with different definitions of quality time can be frustrated by the “isolation” or the “crowd” they perceive is being pressed upon them.

(6) WHAT IS YOUR LEVEL OF SPIRITUAL INTEREST?

It is helpful if both members of a relationship share a common religious or metaphysical approach to life. There are, however, examples, of couples of different faiths coexisting quite happily and couples who share the exact same faith seeming very far apart from one another emotionally. The difference is not only in the specific tenets of what each partner believes, but their interest level. To someone deeply committed to the spiritual realm of life and who sees great value and significance in spending time contemplating such things, a partner with a less robust interest level can seem shallow, while the other mate complains of an obsession and begins to resent the amount of time and importance placed on such things. I have grown to believe that the Bible’s admonition of “be ye not unequally yoked” pertains not merely to believing the same spiritual things but having the same degree of passion for those things.

(7) WHAT IS THE MAJOR WAY YOU FEEL LOVED?

The best book I have ever seen on this topic is The Five Love Languages. You can feel very unloved with someone who loves you dearly but is expressing that affection in ways which are not valuable to you. The easiest relationship would probably be with someone who shares your preferred method of showing love, but it is certainly possible to adapt your style to someone else’s as long as you are both open and honest about your approach. The book The Five Love Languages describes the way we perceived love in these ways:
(1) words of affirmation
(2) acts of service
(3) gifts
(4) physical touching
(5) quality time
While all of these may be pleasurable, some of definitely more meaningful than others to us, and their lack of emphasis can cause misunderstandings and a sense of loss and void.

So, for those of you getting all emotional as Valentine’s Day approaches, let me gently ask you to take a reality check and ask yourself how your love interest would answer these seven questions and then ask yourself how you would answer them. If the answers are vastly different, caution is well advised.

Ways to Learn More about LOVE

November 9, 2009

Check out these links to find my relationship book and others I have published.

www.makerelationshipslast.com

www.booksbydoug.com

SALE:  Any three books for $15.00!  A great gift at the right price!

Talking About my Book

October 5, 2009

Make It Last: Loving Relationships is the topic of  a talk I will give.  I talk about how and why we are attracted to somebody, how the popular word for a good bet is called “chemistry”, what is a “soul mate” and can there be more than one for you. We explore why all these differences keep showing up as we stay together and how to survive them.  The secret to the answers are revealed to be in communication skillls, especially listening. 

I bring up some new concepts: “going vertical”, “The Ten Conversations …We Must Have, and “The Fundamental Relationship Error”.

Join me with your opinions about relationship success and failure.

Getting my book out there

September 25, 2009

Like many of you, I’ve been married, divorced, and have dated. But it was the painful end of a seven-year-long relationship that launched my search for answers. What does it take to make a relationship last?

They say hindsight is 20-20. Of course, that’s only if you stop and take a look. I looked, and I’ve learned. That’s what this book is about; it’s based on a lifetime of experiences and searching. Hopefully it will save you some of the pain, some of the misunderstanding, that is so prevalent in today’s relationships.

Are you still single? Or are you in a dead-end relationship? If so, why?

Whether you’re currently in a relationship or not, have you identified what you really need from your partner? Do you know what they really need from you? How can you avoid the pain or even the death of your relationship if you don’t know the answers to those two questions?

In my search for a permanent partner, I’ve explored what I want and what doesn’t work for me. I’ve become more discerning. Actually, mt book Be Who You Want To Be: Knowing Yourself  begins with wayts to learn more about yourself.  It’s on Amazon.com, and there is more about this book and others at www.drdougwrites.com

Doug

Ways to keep relationships alive

September 9, 2009

Posted by WQ|mag Admin- A.K.A Kim  September 8, 2009. 

To A Successful Relationship

Relationships of any kind are an important part of our lives. While the levels of relationships may differ in nature (i.e. friends, family, significant other etc), they need to be strengthened on a daily basis if they are to be successful and continuously grow. Below is a short list on ways to help make your relationship stronger.

Trust:
Trust is one of the most important part of any relationship because without it, you have nothing. For example, imagine having your boyfriend or girlfriend falsely accuse you of being unfaithful because their friends “supposedly” saw you out somewhere with another man or woman. Having your partner doubt or not trust you, can be one of the most devastating things that can happen in a relationship. The point that is trying to be made here is that without trust, the relationship does not have much of foundation to build upon. So be sure to trust one another until you are given a reason not to.

Communication:
Why is communication so important to any relationship? Communication is key because it reveals not only what is right about the relationship but what it may be lacking as well. For example, a couple can have a good relationship but maybe one of the people involved tends to say and do things that hurts the other person, unintentionally of course. If the offended party chooses not to say anything to their significant other, the issue will only escalate in something bigger somewhere down the road. Not only that, the problem may not be as easily repaired due to the period of time that has been allowed for it to build up. Taking the time to communicate with one another about a minor things when they first occur is a positive because it not only prevents a small problem from becoming a larger one, it also brings the couple closer together.

Appreciate Each Other:
Similar to a child who receives a new toy. In the beginning they are inseparable but as time wears on, the interest level in that toy tends to wane a little bit. In relationships people tend to start out being so attentive to one another but as time goes by, they begin taking their partner for granted. In order to prevent this from happening, take moments during the day to compliment something about the other person. While there may not seem to be a need for doing this, a small compliment can go a long way and your significant other will appreciate you taking the time to say something nice about them.

Anything worth having will require hard work and relationships are no different. However with trust, open communication and taking the time to appreciate one another, your relationship can be both a happy and successful one.

Attractions

September 3, 2009

Sometimes we don’t know what the attraction is. Maybe it is below our conscious awareness. Maybe it isn’t what we think, and maybe we need to NOT think. I have a basic trust that if I don’t overanalyze it, but just allow, the more subtle, and probably more substantial reason will inform me.

I thought it was the way “Diane” danced with me, but time has helped me to see it was more intellectual than that. Dancing was the entree, it wasn’t the main course. Dancing was illusory, and stimulated some responses of passion, but it didn’t make my day or hers. It wasn’t an attraction of passion at all, except maybe it was an attraction of a passion for a dialogue on family, life, healthcare, and writing.

Attractions are, I think, ellusive.  My thinking is to always check them out, and I’m also always learning the cues that it isn’t mutual.

Love for Son

August 14, 2009

A writer asks how to get her man to have/show love for her son. He is not the father.  You can’t force anybody to love anybody else.  I think you can ask for respect, caring, attention, but love is a feeling one either has or doesn’t have. 

Doug


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